My Poor Childhood

The Transformers were one of my favorite toys as a kid. I was eight in 1984, and so right at the perfect age for all of those 80s toys that are coming back now: Transformers, GI Joe, the Thundercats, Voltron, Robotech. Robots were like the coolest thing ever invented by man.

I regard the new Transformers movie with some trepidation. It’s got Peter Cullen, but it’s also Michael Bay. But there is a worse threat to all of those warm, fuzzy memories. And, as usual, it’s Japanese.

The worst thing is, this is not a Chinese knock-off, or some ecchi doujin manga. This is an actual Takara-Tomy product line: Kiss Players.

Here’s a summary from the Transformers wiki:

“Kiss Player” is the title given to any one of a number of young female humans who abruptly gained the power to fuse with Transformers (and Transformer-like robots) in the Earth year 2005.

This fusion occurs when the human kisses the robot, physically combining (minus most clothing) and bestowing special abilities and enhanced regeneration upon the target mechanoid. The human gains some degree of control or influence over the robot’s actions for the duration of the fusion. If the human remains fused for too long, she is involuntarily ejected from her robot partner. This can be a disorienting experience and often leaves the Kiss Player unconscious. And naked. And covered in goo.

‘Cause, really, if Transformers aren’t doing well, why not abuse the license for some nice, wholesome lolicon panty shots?